I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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