he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
