I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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