forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
