it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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