See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize