with your own penis?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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