I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize