I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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