...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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