I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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