if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This is my gift to your gina
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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