While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize