I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
