Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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