I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Pants are for mortals
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
