I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize