yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
