dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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