You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
