Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
