Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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