Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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