So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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