There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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