The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
