Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
