Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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