just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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