my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
