i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
