He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
