For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
