Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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