so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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