dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
should my penis look like a turkey
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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