idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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