My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
