you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
