smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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