I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
