Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
