so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
