Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
