the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
