The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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