I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
