what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
