there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
