i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
