I puked a lego.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
