It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
