Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
