You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
