Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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