fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
