I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
