Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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