dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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