I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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