i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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