you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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