i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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