he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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