Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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