OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
