Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
