and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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