Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize